With the recent events of same-sex marriage- a quick thought…
1) MARRIAGE AND MAGICAL THINKING
Marriage is not the remedy for couple trouble! But there is a lot of magical and wishful thinking about it: marriage will give you a new start, fix your problems, fulfill your dreams… It’s the myth of the “Make-Over Marriage.” (Should we call it MOM?) The romantic investment in marriage is huge. And so is the pressure. Couples trap each other with expectations, especially if some or all of their friends have already stepped up to the altar.
Who will pop the question? When will you pop the question? Are you saying our love isn’t good enough? That I am good enough to be your partner but not your spouse? Prove to me that you love me by marrying me. Show me that you stand behind me and accept me with all my unsolved problems for better or worse.
Of course you want to begin again and be reborn a better person than you were a minute ago. Behind every oath and vow, there’s a wish to rise again from your ashes. “I will love you forever” means I will become a person capable of loving forever; “until death do us part” means I am capable of sticking around for better or worse in an intimate relationship. “I give you my soul and my body” means I would like to be free of my sexual hang-ups. “With this ring, I thee wed” means I wish that our bond were stronger than all our differences and difficulties.
Marriage is a trickster. It’s a new challenge for lesbian couples who might feel that now, as we may, we must.
For more information, look into Lesbian Marriage: A Love & Sex Forever Kit, the first lesbian guidebook for soon to be married couples.